I wasn't thinking about it for a while... the fact that I have at most 40 minutes of freetime during my day and it consists normally of homework. I was just like, oh, well this is college. Normal. But it's piled up and piled up and I've just been marching through and now I just want to curl up and cry. It's not the workload from classes. It's the extra-cirricular stuff and mostly, unfortunately, the play. I have no time for myself. I go through my days from timeslot to timeslot. I haven't drawn since August. I've barely written. I can never get to the gym. I hardly get sleep. Now, I know if I had never done this play I'd be euphoric right now -- because earlier this week it came up that my vocal concert clashed with the closing night of the play. I was going to be replaced in the play because neither directors wanted to move or cancel their shows. But last minute, the theater director decides the "last thing he wants" is to lose me so he cancels the closing show. For me. So now not only am I not replaced, but now I'm morally obligated to be there, and now I feel like a douche because he's really gung-ho about me coming back for other shows and clearly, I'm probably not. So anyway, now I'm just trying to fight to the end of the semester. I have two and a half weeks until the show opens. I know I can and have to tough through it; I just won't be smiling about it. Spring 2010 will not be like this. It can't be like this. I couldn't survive. I have fucking anxiety attacks in the shower every night.

GOD. Ugh. Bitchmoanwhine.

I'm sorry, guys, I just needed to do that. And what better a place than my DA journal, since clearly art is one of the things I'm emotionally NEEDING right now and CAN'T HAVE.